Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
