after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
She just used a chaser for red wine.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
