Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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