in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
