Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
