I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
