Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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