yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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