the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
There's always time for handjobs
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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