Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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