she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
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I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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