i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
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Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
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He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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