remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
