i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
