I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
