porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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