Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
