So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
