Me too!
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
