Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
