wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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