why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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