There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
