HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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