You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
