Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
