I feel great
I just peed on a car
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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