Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
