Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
