I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
