i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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