Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
