Where is the hickey?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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