Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
