Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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