Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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