Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
What drink are we having for lunch?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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