a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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