He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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