I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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