i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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