Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
