He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
