You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
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Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize