i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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