So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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