i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
