weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
