As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
