i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
