apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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