Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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