who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
