I only kidnapped one of them. chill
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
