was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
honey bunches of taint.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
