just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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