If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
